Self-Portrait Series

2010-2011

something Growing

A pregnancy project

I became pregnant for the first time in the spring of 2010. It was unexpected and earlier in our marriage than I had desired, and honestly it took some time to warm to the idea. Just as I finally allowed myself to celebrate and dream about what this new chapter might mean for our small family, I learned that the pregnancy was not viable. Within two weeks I was miscarrying. It was a tender and transformative moment in my life.

The experience revealed how complex my feelings about motherhood truly were. I had always imagined becoming a mother. While many young women around me dreamed of careers, I found myself learning homemaking skills, imagining marriage, and collecting baby names. Yet I also longed for independence, for time to grow as a wife and discover my own sense of purpose before stepping fully into motherhood.

After losing that first pregnancy, I felt permanently changed by the experience. When I became unexpectedly pregnant again later that fall, I entered the journey with acceptance and gratitude, though part of my heart still longed for a little more time before that chapter began.

This series of self-portraits was created to document the transformation of my body during that pregnancy. At the time I followed weekly updates from BabyCenter that described the baby’s growth by comparing its size to different fruits and vegetables. Inspired by those small milestones, I began photographing myself as a way to mark the passage of time and the quiet unfolding of new life.